If there was one phrase, to sum up how my parents felt about my age maturity in my youth,
it would be both of them saying, "Allie is three going on thirty". They weren't wrong. I constantly preferred hanging out with older kids, talking to adults, and discussing topics most would deem “out of my age realm”. My soul has just always craved the wisdom that only age and time have permitted. When talking one on one with someone who is my superior, I always ask, “What’s the advice you wish you were given at my age?” and while I’ve been given great and knowledgeable answers, Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” was best. I stumbled upon his knowledgeable words earlier this year while preparing a poem for my public speaking class, and have since committed it to memory. He wrote the best advice for his son to live the happiest life imaginable, and I too have found much-needed wisdom in his words.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
This past year has been a year of growth for me. Not in the length from which my waist meets my toes, but rather where my heart meets my mind, and my mind meets my mouth. I learned how words can grow kindness as water and sunlight can grow a seed go into a flower. Kipling’s first stanza directly addresses the importance of being confident in the decisions we make and taking responsibility for those decisions. His tone throughout the poem is loving and sincere, as I imagine the way he would speak to his son on a daily basis. It rings with a paternal love and wisdom that any father would want to use to leave his mark. It seems to the sediment that he would want his son to remember him by after his passing. Wisdom such as: being patient with those who can’t take responsibility for themselves and react negatively to your decisions. Kipling notes the importance of not stooping to their level by spreading gossip, lies or dealing with hate. This year, I’ve had to make a lot of decisions: what to major in, who to invest time in, and who to formulate ideas with. I've learned that the people we choose and the dreams we dream of help shape and pave the road for what is to come.
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
I have these grandiose ideas that circulate my mind, and I push and I work towards them until I'm satisfied with the results. To quote my grandma Linda, "I'm a dreamer and a doer." This next stanza notes the importance of being a “dreamer”, but not letting those dreams control your life. Looking at this from a Marxist literary criticism, it's crucial to recognize that we can’t let our position in life overcome our mindset. Kipling advises to not let our natural human desire for success to be plagued by the dream of power and push us to climb ranks that aren’t meant for us to climb. I think it’s easy to become infatuated with glory, and as Kipling notes- it’s important to have dreams, but not let them control our lives. I have been far too guilty of letting what looks good on paper be fuel in my life plans until I realized, that I didn’t actually like what I was doing. For example, I come from a long line of lawyers and it’s my dad’s dream for me to go to Law school. I entertained the idea for about 8 months and was able to convince myself that it was my life calling. I wasn't going to throw away my shot to live at that success level. After some major soul searching, can now say with assurance that I know it's not my path to success, but I have yet to break the news to my dad. There comes a point in adulthood where we realize what we want to do with our lives isn’t necessarily what our parents think is best for us.
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except for the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
There is something about loss that makes people think about where their life is going. I have found that every time I have suffered from a “loss” the gain I acquired far exceeded the struggle and heartache that preceded it. Utilizing Kipling’s imagery within this stanza, it’s easy to imagine someone who lost everything on a mistake, and how we should have the comeback be our most memorable part of our journey. While it may be a vile pill to swallow, sometimes it’s exactly what the doctor ordered. My own hardest loss was when I tore my ACL, MCL, and meniscus my sophomore year of college.I was on crutches for two months, and couldn’t walk for about five. I went home for the semester to heal, and I learned more about empathy and the love of Christ than I could have ever imagined. When we feel like our life is in shambles, is really the rubble from where we can find the pieces to turn our broken selves into a mosaic.
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
The end of the poem was where I decided my passion for how I was going to live my life. I want to be able to talk to large groups of people and yet, not let them influence my belief in what's right, wrong, moral, or immoral. To stick my courage to the sticking place and to choose for myself, on every account. And today? Today, I choose to love people, but not let their return to love be my commander happiness. And if I learn to follow and abide by the Kipling road to success, everything in the world can be mine and all the happiness that comes by with it.
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